I Guess, I am Not Ready
Though I am getting older, my life has just begun— Laufey.
What do the airplane crews do before the plane takes off? They check every part of the plane and every detail to ensure that the plane runs smoothly from take off to landing. That is of course, for the safety of passengers and cabin crews. The same thing goes when someone decides to get married, which is not a simple thing.
I am writing this story, about marriage, based on my conversation with my best friend since the beginning of junior year of college. I am blessed and grateful that I have genuine friends that stay and care about me. They usually, out of the blue, check on me by sending me a message through WhatsApp or Instagram.
My best friend did that a few days ago. He said that he just wants to know how I am doing in recent months and as always, talking about poultry diseases. He also asked me about my plan and whether I have a plan to apply for a PhD. Then I told him that is not on my top priority anymore.
“Then? what is your priority now? to get married?”
“Nope, career first. I have given up searching for the right one.”
“That’s Esti that I know.”
“Individualist? tsk tsk tsk.”
“No. Independent.”
I told him that my parents may expect me to find a spouse. But I think that I just simply retarded to know which one is the right one to spend the rest of my life with.
“No need to rush. marriage is not like a birthday, it is a lifetime.”
That night, I received an email from a state-owned enterprise that I did not pass the very last test that I had been doing since June to August. I felt angry, desperate, and sad at the same time because I already put in so much effort, time, and then I had to skip a test for a university lecturer position for that. I did not know how to tell my parents about it because I do not want to let them down. The fact that I am still unemployed and have not got any job offer made me more upset.
Nevertheless, that is life. We never know when the unfortunate things will happen.
I realized that maybe I have not met the right one because I need to fix my own life. My life now is rather stagnant and more importantly, I have not reached financial freedom. Which is now my top priority beside a good career.
I agree with my best friend and completely aware that marriage is a lifetime thing. It is not merely a ceremony but a commitment for the rest of someone’s life. She/he and her/his spouse has to burn a bridge behind their back and say goodbye to some of their freedom that she/he had when she/he was single.
Someone also said that when a person decides to tie the knot, then she/he is already sufficient with achievements and ambitions that she/he has. I partially agree with that because, in my opinion, there is nothing wrong with someone who still has ambitions or goals in their life, but it is not about him/her own goals anymore, but also their spouse. In other words, goals as a team.
Marriage is not because reaching a certain age, Although it matters in terms of reproduction health and gestation for a woman. Yet again, marriage is not only about that. It is rather complex and needs a lot of preparation and consideration.
So yeah, in the beginning of my 28 years old, I realized that my plan about getting married at this age is not relevant anymore. At least for now, I think that I am not ready due to my current situation. There are things I need to improve in my own life. I do not want to rush it and make it one of my life goals anymore. Because it is not a finish line, but a whole new journey. It could be bumpy and smooth at the same time.
Just like a lyric of Laufey’s song, ‘I wish it would slow down’
